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Do you believe in an all powerful being? (Not yourself)
Would you rather date someone extremely hot or extremely honest?
What is worse, being poor or alone?
Do you like dirty language* in bed?
*Technically, German is a dirty language, but we're referring to sexual conduct.
(From The How Gay Are You Exactly Test:)
Do you like listening to 'Abba'?
Therapy is to crazy, as Therapist is to _________.
Me
Sex scandal
Earrings from the rapist.
Icebergs floating in Hawaiian bays topped with carolling kangaroos.
When do you compliment a woman on her looks?
As soon as I notice her -- she should know how beautiful she is.
If I know she's gotten really dressed up for a special event.
When we're both mostly naked.
Never -- it's antifeminist to value a woman for her looks.
Women in the clergy?
Die, heretic.
Sure, why not?
Women deacons, maybe, but no higher.
Absolutely! This is the 21st century, people.
And what's with Mary?
She's the mother of Jesus, right?
Oh my god, I totally collect rosaries!
The Queen of Heaven, Ever Virgin
We do not worship her, you assholes!
Stigmata (the movie)?
Compelling. The conspiracy thing is a bit much.
No cardinal would ever do that stuff. Ever.
That chick and the priest need to get it on!
What about the Da Vinci Code?
Bullshit.
The author's soul will burn in Hell.
It was a fun read.
I knew Jesus was doing Mary Magdalene!
Ok, time to get personal. Morality time. What are your views on sex outside of marriage?
Do it! Those men in the Vatican just don't know.
This is a moral issue?
I know it's not right, but we're only human.
The Church says no. No.
Which is more appealing to you?
Flowers
Remote Control
Hey! I want the Remote & Flowers
A kid in your neighborhood steals your bike. You:
Are upset at the injustice of the world.
Find the kid and destroy all his possessions.
Pray for the salvation of the kid's wicked soul.
Pray for God to smite the fucking kid.
All right. Which of these would you rather be?
A warrior.
A scholar.
A parasite on society's underbelly (thief)
A violent and anti-social criminal
How do you like to be entertained?
Minstrel, a song for us, please.
I read a morose poem in sacred solitude.
I spend ill-gotten money on nice things.
I tell tales of bloodshed.
I drink alcohol...
a lot
sometimes
never
...whenever I'm drunk?
Do you feel sorry for a butterfly trapped in a spider's web?
Go, spider, go! Kill that pussy butterfly!
Oh no! That poor butterfly!
It kinda sucks to be that butterfly.
What is the prickly guy below?
Porcupine
Hedgehog
Echidna
Sonic
Confident or coward?
Confident
Coward/Depends on the day and why
Individual - Random
Unable to answer this question.
What size would you say your (MOUTH) lips are?
Small - nonexistant
Moderately sized
They call me Luscious Lips back home
My name is Julia Roberts
What is this?
A blonde
A dryad/nymph - don't look directly at it or you may fail a savings throw and die...
Smut, pornography, filth, debauched propaganda, etcetera.
A naked woman
At this moment in your life are u looking for...
Someone to hang with and have fun
Someone to spend my life with
Someone for right now
The bathroom
What do you drink?
Orange Juice
Water
Potions
Meat
Your favorite currency?
US Dollars
Potions
Rings!
Knives
How do you celebrate?
Relax
Rock
Run
Conquer
What is your idea of the best first date?
Bar, club, Bed
Pub, Kebab shop, Bed
Restaurant, Theatre, Goodnight kiss
Bed, Bed, Bed.
If you found the perfect person on this site and meet them what would you do with them?
Go out to dinner and a movie
Hang out with some of our friends together
Get smashed and puke everywhere!!!!
Whatever they let me do to them =P
If I paid you, would you give me head?
No need for money.
Psht
Would you give me head for money?
I don't believe in having sexual interactions..
If you could decide your heritage, which of these would it be:
Japanese, samuri's all the way.
Irish, I love to drink.
British, I have bad teeth.
Egyptian, I love cats.
There's a kitten in a tree.
Kick the tree down
Jump up and grab the cat (20 feet, nothin'!)
Hire a little boy to climb it and get the kitten
Climb it yourself and risk getting rabies
You are in a hurry to get to work. Suddenly a guy steps in front of your car. you slam on the breaks, stopping inches in
front of him. What do you shout at him?
"Bastard! Get the fuck out of my way!"
"You almost got yourself killed, dipshit! Has your brain grown fungus?"
"What the goddamn fucking hell! Move your ass!"
"Ohmygod, are you alright?"
Because of the man you almost ran over, you are late for work. You rush into your office, angry as hell. Your boss spots
you and comes over, demanding an explanation why you are late. You say...
"An ass parked itself in front of my car."
"Im so sorry, Mr./Ms.________. There was a lot of traffic."
Your idea of an enjoyable evening...
Wild party!!! ...where'd my panties go?
Cuddling and watching movies at home.
A nice dinner and good conversation.
Leave me alone... I don't want company!
Are you annoying?
Yes
No
Would you protest against the government in your country? (eg. if a nearby school was to be demolished)
The leaders know best
yeh, I suppose I'd protest
now hold on just a God-damned minute! They ain't demolishin no school!
I'm French
I see you have braces...
No I don't!
Not me, her!
I have braces too...
Bathe her, and bring her to me...
Hair?
Not down there, Mon Frare
Long on top
None
Fuck is you to be askin me questions?
Bet a Hundred...
Bet a thousand
Bet a stack
Bet a Million
Put your money where your mouth is!
What is the Trinity?
An interesting way of understanding who God is, but one that is ultimately no better or worse than any other
A character in The Matrix
A fundamental mystery in which God is understood as three persons, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, all fully God at the same
time, all in complete unity with one another
Sex before marriage is...
One of the worst sins that one can commit.
A bad thing, but not nearly as bad as many other things one can do.
Acceptable and healthy so long as love is at the forefront.
The only thing that makes sense, particularly if it involves strippers and large quantities of beer.
You have a chance to make a porn movie. You sign the contacts, what kind of role do you want?
The star, I will do them all.
Wherever they can find me a spot.
Well, maybe one guy, then move to another person.
Was I drunk when I signed these? Get me a lawyer!
Do you consider yourself an intelligent person?
No
Who in their right mind would answer no to this?
Yes
I am compelled to reply in the affirmative.
How honest are you?
I never lie!
I strive to be as honest as possible.
It depends... what have you heard?
Whats your view on Fidel Castro? (the leader of Cuba to those from southern states)
My hero
His country seems to be happy with him
I don't approve of the way Cuba is run
Dang Commie git
What's the first thing you notice when talking to Italians?
The loudness of their voice
The frenetic hand gestures
Why are they so stupid?
Oh gee. these people can't really speak English!
Last but not least, would you bang johnny depp?
no
maybe if I got to know him first
most likely even if he was a jerk
I would play with gilbert's grapes anyday
In the beginning...
There was Adam and Eve.
There was a big boom and slowly life began.
there were two guys, a garage, and a dream.
Man created God.
Baby, your daddy must have been a baker, ......
'Cause I want to cover you with my frosting
And you must have been his secret recipe. (Awwwww....)
'Cause you've got a nice set of buns.
Honey Child, I'm bigger and better than the Titanic.....
Only 200 woman went down on the Titanic
You can be my first mate
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, .....
I'll help you give 'em a workout, baby.
What time do they open?
Are you a virgin?
Yes (aaaaw)
Sort of (wtf?)
No (damned)
I've had sex with your mum (uber damned)
Have you ever thought about sex? Like going at it with another equally naked sweaty human?
No (ha! you did, you read the question! DAMNED!)
yes, it all seems a bit wrong....
yes, 'twas jolly good fun
I never stop to think about it; I go for it
You're standing before a crucifix; Jesus, as he lies dying for our sins in his hours of agony? Have your eyes ever strayed
to his loin cloth?
you are the one going to hell
no, but they will next time, DAMN YOU!
You meet an attractive person that you'd like to ask out on a dinner date. Which line would you be most likely to use?
You're simply breathtaking. Would you grace me with your company this evening at dinner?
You caught my eye and I'd love to get to know you better. Would you care to join me for a bite to eat tonight?
You're so cute! Want to get some food with me later?
Ya hungry?
Which of the following would most distract you from the job you were doing?
You stop to stare at an attractive person
A song on the radio
Daydreaming
A problem related to your work
Which of the following country groups do you like best?
USA, Canada, England, Germany
Taiwan, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia
Russia, Ukraine, Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia
China, Mongolia, Japan, Korea
How do you take care of household pests (cockroaches, spiders and the like)?
Squish!
Careful Relocation Outside
I'm Not Sure
Live and Let Live
You walk out of your home first thing in the morning, late for work and in a serious hurry because you greatly enjoy your
job and don't want to lose it. At the same time, a bird with a broken wing is struggling in some bushes nearby. What do you
do?
Keep moving - sorry bird, I gotta roll.
Stop and do what you can to help.
Kill it - put it out of its misery.
Keep moving, but feel bad about it.
Ziggy played _______.
Guitar
The Drums
Hockey is
A waste of time
A game with people on ice and a rubber disc
Bring it back
Canada's National sport
Sushi is
Good
Ewww, Gross
Food?
Too expensive
Which of these is wrong?
The cat's out of the bag.
The cat's feet are out of the bag.
All the cat's are out of the bag.
Which would you rather win?
A Nobel Prize
A Grammy, Oscar, Tony, or Emmy
A Super Bowl, World Series, or sports championship
The Lottery
Have you ever offered your services in a scientific study?
Yes, and they gave me money!!!
No, but I really want to.
That is what they have monkeys for, duh.
I don't remember much but for some strange reason I know how to kill someone with a marshmallow.
Ok you're style and choice of place paid off. He offers you a ride home do you take it?
Hell Yeah!!! I worked hard for it
I might...I don't know I need to think
No
Yeah...right!!! if i wanted to get raped sure
What is more important to you?
Physical connection.
The mind.
Oh look, doughnuts! xD
Both, and skip the doughnuts. =/
Do you drive drunk often?
Hell no, that is dangerous!!!
Only when he or she riding with is drunker than me.
Define "often".
I'm driving drunk right now and taking this test on my mobile phone.
In your lifetime have you ever...
Said to yourself, "Man, I just took a lotta drugs with all that alcohol!"
Flashed your ass or flipped the bird to a armed soldier in a communist country.
Told a male or female prostitute to not worry about protection.
Voted for George W. Bush.
Cleaning the house is...
Mandatory. Hourly.
What happens when its my turn on the rota
That thing that other people do
A rediculous concept. Are you mad? I like roaches
You have a squirt gun....... Finish the thought
I'd get into my flamingo dance outfit and start performing the Tango dela Muerte.
Umm... Take over the world of COURSE!!! The dogs MUST rule the world!
Volunteer for the fire brigade... hey, I've got new technology, they'll hail me as a hero!
Get wet and partially naked and start having sexy girl on girl action (or watch it if you are a guy), until the guys join
in and you all have fun.
Should opening day of deer/goose/turkey/etc. season be recognized as an official holiday from work?
Absolutely!
No. Why?
You people kill animals for sport??? Ack!
You've thrown ol' Rufus into the back of your pickup truck and headed out. He spots a deer/rabbit/whatever and bails out.
In the process, he's hurt himself pretty badly.
Ah, Hell... take him to the vet... I'll have him fixed, so long as it doesn't cost an arm and a leg.
Ah, Hell... he was my favorite, too... click... bang! *problem solved*
I'll rush him to the vet and have him fixed no matter WHAT it costs, of course!
You people do that? How horrible! All dogs should be secured in a vehicle, just like people are!
Do you attend church weekly? Is that church Christian (this does not include Catholics)?
Yes
No
I don't attend a church
What about private ownership of small arms?
Guns are mean
Give me liberty or eat my lead; asswipe
Guns kill people (and forks made you a fat ass)
Only racist redneck republicans want guns
Liberal males are more appropriately known as
fags
gurly men
embarassments to the human race
women
My favorite book is:
Heather has Two Mommies (how tolerant of you)
Capitalism and Freedom (I have a brain)
The Communist Manifesto (save those whales!)
hevnt red 1 yet, I went to a publik skool
Local hospital (includes fully-operational ER and can support most life-saving duties).
Important to have... hello?
I'm willing to take my chances.
If you were driving out in the country and came across a burning house and found four people on the lawn all of various
ages and in various states of ill-health due to the fire, and you could only take one with your to the hospital due to your
tiny car, which would you take?
The old woman, who is hurt the worst.
The middle aged man, who is hurt the second worst.
The young girl, who is hurt mildly.
The baby boy, who is hurt slightly.
You're sitting on a beach and you hear a stranger crying for help... They're sinking under the waves in the middle of the
ocean. What do you do?
I go and help them, of course!
I run to go and get a lifesaver, or someone else better equiped to help.
I say, "Hey, look at that drowning person!"
Nothing. It's their problem.
Violence is...
Never acceptable.
Necessary sometimes, but something to be avioded if possible.
Something I'm good at.
World peace is...
What we should all be aiming for.
A good idea, but unrealistic.
Not going to happen.
Not going to happen with me around.
Chip.
Element of a computer.
Pasture muffins.
Something you eat.
Dunno.
How do you prepare cereal?
Bowl, spoon, cereal, milk
Bowl, cereal, milk, spoon
Bowl, cereal, spoon, milk
Other...?
Are you into that whole "no carb" thing?
Bread? Yuck!
I like me carbs...back off!
Could go either way with it, really...
Well, er, I, uh...
How kind are you?
I have a bleeding heart; I am kind to a fault.
I relate well to people, always have a listening ear, and am very kind.
I'm as nice as the next guy.
Leave me the hell alone.
Do you know more about this person then his/her family or closest friend does?
Yes
No
What are you talking about?
Are you talking about sex?
We are co-ruling our kingdom, I want the royal color to be lavander...you want it to be blue. Are you willing to compromise?
Sure, how about Red?
Women make color choices, on with the lavander!
You pick the color, I pick the executioner...deal?
I WANT BLUE! *whines like a baby*
A dragon is attacking our kingdom, I wanna go help fight it ( ever heard of femminism Mr. Charming? :-p) Do you let me?
The more the merrier! Feel free to grab a horse and ride out!
It's a little too dangerous, I think I'm just going to have to tuck you up in a tower till this dirty buisness is finished.
You can come watch, but no slaughtering for my Queen.
This is men's work!
When I'm having sex with a woman, it's absolutely critical that I be:
touching her
seeing her
hearing her
smelling her
You are on a romantic date with your partner/a new friend... and they have some chocolate smeared on their lip, which do
you do?
Lean over and kiss them
Point it out and laugh hysterically
Lean over and whisper it in their ear
Nothing, it's cute
She enters. What happens?
I get her and myself a drink and we sit on the couch.
Show her my bedroom. Why waste time.
Turn on the TV to have something to go to when the conversation lulls.
Take her to the kitchen to bake a desert together.
Do you switch possitions when having sex? If you do switch positions, how many?
2 or 3
3-8
I WROTE the damn Karma Sutra
When you're done you...
Quickly run to the bathroom for clean up.
Ask her to leave.
Lay in bed and talk.
Pay her.
Everyone will hate you if you kill Superman. You will probably hate yourself, you vowed never to kill. But, Superman is
out of control and he gave you the Kryptonite to stop him in just this sort of situation. So, can you use it?
Yes, he would never want to be a danger.
No, there must be another way.
Its too risky, he gets attacked by kryptonite on a regular basis and survives everytime.
Do you know who you are?
I've never met me
No, do you?
Yes some English fellow with a pen in his pocket
I still wish i had pie
Are you glad this is the last page?
Yes
No
Other
Say you think the government is going to hell in a handbasket. What do you feel is your obligation?
It doesn't really concern me; my life is pretty sweet, so I have no complaints.
Vote. And then, it's my government, right or wrong, so I have to support it.
Beyond voting, making my opinion heard and helping others exercise the right to vote.
SMASH THE STATE!!!! *ahem* Working for deeper reforms and agitating for social justice.
If so, to what extent do you talk to your cat(s)?
I don't.
Only to get their attention, scold them, or get them to come over to me.
I talk to them as if they were a child or a baby without expecting much response.
I have regular conversations with them (and expect them to respond to me).
What's your opinion of cat groomers?
Hey, cats have tongues! What do they need a groomer for?
I prefer that someone else get the scratches that my cat gives during bath time.
It's nice to have my cat bathed and have their nails clipped. Besides, my cat loves bandannas.
I'll have my cat groomed in preference to getting a haircut myself.
Do cat toys clutter your house?
I guess the scratching post is kind of an eyesore.
Toys? For a cat?
Well, I try to pick up after kitty, but those little catnip mice are so hard to keep track of.
My cats have their own area of the house with the cat tree and stuff. Sometimes their videos get mixed up with mine though.
Look around your living room or den. What does it look like?
Pristine! I don't let my cats even come in here!
A little cat hair here and there.
Getting ragged; the arms of my chairs and sofa either have deep gouges or "sticky paws" all over them.
You can't see the furniture for all the snoring, furry bodies on them.
Have you ever danced with your cat(s) when no one else is around?
What? Wait, WHAT? Is that logistically possible?
Um. Yes. But just the one time! And I'd had a few beers!
A couple of times. I KNOW I'm a weirdo! Go ahead, laugh, it's funny.
Why would I hide our dancing? We're quite a pair.
You come into your living room and want to sit in a particular chair in order to surf the internet, read, or watch television.
You see a cat curled up on the chair. What do you do?
I remove the cat from the chair.
I remove the cat from the chair, but let it sit on me if it wants to.
I bring another chair into the room and gently move the cat and chair out of the way.
I leave the room and find something else to do.
Wait! There's more...
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